| I just got a
birthday card from my dad, reminding me that 1 was
getting old. Hmmm. It's now February 27, 1989, and l'm 49
years old and like dad said, "You're almost a
half-century old, kid." So, here I sit, reflecting
on nearly 25 years of riding dirt bikes and another six
of riding ordinary street bikes. During that period of
time, I've ridden literally thousands of dirt bikes . . .
some good, some not so good, some bad and some utterly
wretched. I've also
been lucky to have ridden or raced throughout most of the
United States and much of the world. Vivid images of
trail riding in Peru and racing next to a volcano in
Guatemala are memories locked between my temples. I'll
never forget the time I raced in the German Nationals in
Gaildorf on the same track with the world's best riders,
or that glorious day in Austria when I got my fists on
the new works KTMs and rode around the most beautiful
track I'd ever seen. Ah, yes, the memories flood in . . .
How many Blackwater 100 races has it been? Six? Seven?
And what about the Mountain Home 100 in Idaho on a 501
Maico? That was fun'.
Fortune smiled on me in
many ways. i've ridden literally dozens of works bikes,
including the outrageous Kawasaki of Brad Lackey, the
feather-light Hondas of the mid- '70s, the factory
Maicos, a twincarbed Puch, Rex Staten's works Harley, a
genuine Harley flat-tracker, a half-dozen speedway bikes,
a few hiliclimbers, three or four sidehacks, some
ferocious TT-bikes, plenty of drag bikes and even a few
exotic road racers.
So with all this and more
safely stored in my memory banks, are there things that I
would have changed, or done differently, or regret not
having done?
Of course.
And, in no particular
order, here are some of the things 1 sort of sincerely
regret not having done/or having done in the last 25 years
on two wheels:
- I'm really sad that I
never got to go trail riding with Kate Smith.
There was something about the way she sang God
Bless America that makes
me believe she would have loved it. How many
people have ever hit the trails with a 350-pound,
one-legged soprano? It could have been a first'.
- I regret that my
first real dirt bike was a 250 Bultaco. It was
about as reliable as a candle in a wind tunnel
and caused me more grief than an evil woman. It
blew up with monotonous regularity and cost a
fortune to fix . . - when it could be fixed. Half
of the time, the part6 were "on the boat
from Spain." Do you know what it's like to
sit and stare at a dead bike because there are no
parts available and you want to ride so bad that
your teeth hurt?
- I'm sorry that I sold
my first bike, a 1956 Triumph TR-6, and bought a
lame MG sports car with the money. The Triumph
was the finest thing to ever come out of England,
while the MG was about as much fun to own as a
large wart on your nose. Somewhere in England,
there must be a plaque hanging on a wall, that
says: "England . . Where Quality is Just A
Slogan!"
- I sincerely regret
having bought any one of a number of Italian
motorcycles in the late '60s. Names like Parilla,
Gilera, Ducati and Beta come readily to mind.
They were invariably oddball designs, some of
them brilliant in concept, but living with an
Italian bike was a test of repressing anger. I
once waited on the phone for 86 minutes
(long-distance) trying to order parts for a
Gilera engine. And then got hung up on. Ordering
parts for any Italian bike is like trying to hold
a philosophical discussion on Aristotle with a
loaf of bread.
- I truly regret trying
to build 'the ultimate four-stroke" back in
1983 out of a Honda XR-500. It blew up almost
every time it was ridden, cost more than the
entire state of Montana to build and still
weighed 25 pounds more than a good SOOce
two-stroke.
- I really regret not
having ridden the International Six Days Event.
We had a chance to represent Puerto Rico or the
Vatican in 1974, but never followed through
properly on the deal. At that time, the Dirt
Bike staff knew it was not good enough to
qualify to ride the Six Days, but if we picked an
obscure country and got to ride for their team,
well ou get the idea.
- I utterly regret
trying that weird jump in 1979 at the Super Bowl
track at the Coliseum when I missed and broke my
back. It took almost a full year out of my riding
hfe. When I finally was able to get back on a
bike and ride again, it was an almost
unbelievable feeling! Pure joy!
- I sincerely regret
trying to out-drink the Maico factory team
mechanics one night at the old Cooper Motors
facility in Burbank. It was a hopeless endeavor
and I had a headache for three days after-ward. I
can dimly recall singing off.key to some gypsy
music at three in the morning, then waking up all
cramped and cotton-mouthed in the back of the
parts department the next day.
- I probably should
regret the fact that I never really got deadly
serious about racing, but I can't bring myself to
do that. You see, I've had so much fun, that I
think getting in rock-hard shape and eating
nothing but wheat germ would take most of the fun
out of it all. I'll leave the serious racing
stuff to the Ricky Johnsons and the Jeff Wards. l
live in the real world of having fun with my
friends who just happen to be fellow dirt bike
freaks.
- I regret not having
gone riding more times than I did when it rained.
Some of the finest times of my life have been
when me and a few friends headed out to the
desert under black clouds and fat rain drops.
Invariably, it stayed cool, moist and gray and
the riding conditions were legendary.
- I remember one time I
stayed home to watch the Super Bowl when all my
buddies went trail riding. The game was a bust,
with the score something like 200 to 3 and
everybody called me up and said that the riding
was perfect; a light rain fell just before they
unloaded, then stopped. No dust. Traction. A good
time was had by all, except me, who watched the
Steelers whup up on somebody else when I should
have been out roosting with my friends.
- I regret not learning
how to ride better in the woods. Show me a tree
and I'll run into it and turn a finger purple.
- I wish I was born ten
years earlier and had the chance to ride some of
the classic events like Catalina.
- I wish I was born ten
years later and had the chance to ride nothing
but the new trick equipment.
- It would have been
nice to have taken some photos of Steve McQueen
when he used to test regularly with the Dirt
Bike crew. We never knew he would leave us
prematurely.
- We were supposed to
do a story on Roy Rogers and his Suzuki 185
Duster way back in 1974, but it rained and we
went trail riding instead and forgot about it. We
wanted to ask him some questions about Trigger
being stuffed, but never got the chance.
Department
of no regrets:
Dirt Bike was
constantly called by TV agents, asking us to do stories
on soap box stars who rode dirt bikes. Proudly, we must
say that we told them all thanks, but no thanks. Just
because you ride a bike doesn't mean people want to read
about you, especially if you're some pinhead soap actor.
Substantial
regrets:
not staying on top of the
Phantom Duck of the Desert legal battle when we had the
BLM and the Sierra Club on the ropes. We settled for a
slight win, when we should have stayed in court and gone
for the jugular vein.
Last
regrets:
I'm Out of space and can't
babble about the past anymore. |
